Life,Liberty,and the Pursuit of Happiness.出自哪里?
懂懂訫‖攕
这来自美国的独立宣言,我给你贴出一个介绍,并给你标注出来,你只要看括号里内容就行Jefferson's document was divided into two parts.The first part explained the right of any people to revolt.It also described the ideas the Americans used to create a new,republican form of government.The Declaration of Independence begins this way:（独立宣言中这样写道：）When in the course of human events,it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them to another,and to assume among the powers of the earth,the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of Nature's God entitle them,a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.Jefferson continued by saying that all people are equal in the eyes of God.（杰佛森继续写道,在上帝眼中众生是平等的）Therefore,governments can exist only by permission of the people they govern.He wrote:（他写道）We hold these truths to be self-evident,that all men are created equal and that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights,that among these are Life,Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.（就是这里了）That to secure these rights,Governments are instituted among Men,deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed.
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On Life, Love and the Pursuit of Happiness
Robert Manni - Saturday, July 30, 2016
Nothing beats the taste of a well-cooked steak.
The grill marks, the dripping juices, and the scent of seared beef are enough to drive any carnivore insane. Add a fresh tossed salad, a side of grilled veggies, baked potato, and a glass of a full-bodied cabernet sauvignon and you have the components of a perfect meal. That&s what I thought until eight years ago when I first eliminated meat from my diet. Over this time I slowly but steadily dropped beef, pork, lamb, and then poultry from my menu. Although I&ve gone strictly vegetarian for a few months here and there, I still eat fish. I know that habit will become permanent, but I&ll only go there when it feels right.
I&m not suggesting that eliminating meat from your diet is right for everyone, but I&ll tell you this. I have never looked back and have never felt better nor had more energy any time in my adult life.
So what happened? Eight years ago I met the woman who would become my wife on a first date. We&d met online and in person at the little restaurant at the 79th Street Boat Basin. She told me she was a vegetarian, so when it came time she ordered a salad, a grilled Portobello mushroom, and a glass of white wine. I was hankering for a juicy cheeseburger and fries, but before ordering something came over me. It was an actual sensitive thought! I considered what blood dripping down the side of my burger and across my mouth might look to her. It could make her uncomfortable and might be a major turn off. So I ordered something else. After dinner we took a walk on the path along Riverside Park. The rest is history.
During our next few dates I inquired about her choice to become a vegetarian&why she chose it, what she ate, how long she had been a vegetarian, and if it made her feel any different. She told me that she been a vegetarian on and off for years after being a meat-eater for most of her life. She casually filled in the other blanks, but did not tout or try selling me on the virtues of going meat-free. I liked that. I also decided to give it a try. After a few rough days, it was relatively easy switching from beef burgers to turkey or tuna burgers. But, I still missed my steak. After a few weeks, I mostly forgot about meat and became more comfortable with the many alternatives.
Then I got sick. I developed a weird bronchial condition that sapped me of my energy at about 5pm every day. I would leave work soon after, usually drenched in a heavy sweat. I&d go home and lay on my bed still sweating, but with chills. I&d wrap myself in a blanket and cough a lot. It wasn&t fun and I wondered if this had anything to do with my diet. Thankfully my future wife visited and comforted me. She said my body was &detoxing& and the toxins from the stored meat molecules in my system were releasing into my system and challenging my immune system. At least I knew the cause. Finally, I took a powerful antibiotic and was soon back to normal. That short bout of what I can only refer to as &detoxing&(for lack of a better term) subconsciously convinced me to never eat meat again. A few months later I eliminated poultry and that was it.
Over time, my weight fluctuated due to my replacement of carbs for meat, but eventually I got a handle on how my system was reacting and handling the change from carnivore to &pescatarian&. &I eat wild-caught fish whenever possible to avoid the toxins in farmed fish.
How do I feel? M I am more active, and clocking better times in my runs than twenty years ago. My strength level is steady, with no loss even with the added eight years. Additionally, my digestive system feels less taxed after a meal than when I was eating meat. I really can&t think of a down side to the change.
Initially I did not stop eating meat because of the stress on the environment or the cruelty of factory farming. But, it&s true. Farming animals is inhumane, unhealthy, a cause of pollution, and unnecessary. There are lots of tasty alternatives to meat and no reason to kill animals for food unless you live in a remote part of the world where wild animals are your only choice for sustenance. Additionally, farmed animals are fed poorly. Cows are meant to eat grass, but are usually fed cheap GMO, grains sprayed with pesticides. Steroids and sedatives like Prozac are given to the animals to help eliminate stress. These poor creatures have good reason for their stress. And, we consume all of the crap the animals eat along with the toxicity from their stress hormones. If that&s not enough, the beef you buy in the supermarket is often injected with chemicals that change the color of the meat from brown to red. But, don&t let me sell you. Your Guy&s Guy is simply sharing his experience in eliminating meat from his diet.
And guess what? My wife now eats fish so we share a happy little household. There is no meat either cooked or stored in our home and it really makes the energy more peaceful. What about our three-year old? We&ve decided to feed him healthy organic foods whenever possible and no meat when he&s with us.& We allow him to have poultry at day care, but no beef, pork or lamb. When he gets older, he can make his own choices. That said, he&s a healthy, happy kid so we must be ding something right.
I hope this sheds some light on the virtues of eliminating meat from your diet. It&s not necessarily for everyone, but it worked for me. Whatever you decide to do, eat healthy, amigos. And, there is nothing as tasty as a well-cooked steak.
This week&s GUY&S GUY of the WEEK are Albert Einstein, Steve Jobs, Leonardo da Vinci, Prince, Rosa Parks, Gandhi, Cesar Chavez, and all the other people who helped change the world without eating meat.
Robert Manni - Friday, July 22, 2016
Money comes and money goes. And when it goes, it can go quickly.
So, for many of us living in these uncertain economic times, every few bucks saved can add up. That&s why every now and then your Guy&s Guy likes to share some of his hacks for saving coinage, even in a big, bad city where everything seems to cost more than anywhere else in the country. Although most of you thrifty-minded peeps will recognize some of these tips, let&s hope that you can garner a few new ideas while also refreshing your memory about the ones you already know, but may not be executing. You can talk about saving money all you want, but if you take a taxi to and from work each day you either have money to blow or when it comes to saving bucks, you are not doing a good enough job. So, here are seventeen go-to tips for keep money change in your pocket and seeing less go down the drain.
1. Walk whenever possible & New York is a great walking city and hoofing it is an excellent way to stay in shape and burn unwanted calories.
2. If you can&t walk, take public transportation&&&Another no-brainer that most New Yorkers have figured out. Plus, with so many of us on the trains and buses at
mass transit travel has never been safer relative to the amount of people using the MTA.
3. When necessary Uber, Via, Lyft, etc. instead of cabs & Hey, sometimes we all need a ride home. Sorry taxis. You did not adapt to a changing culture. Maybe you will now.
4. Don&t buy a newspaper & Everything is online in real time anyway. Who wants to toke the Times around on a crowded subway and who has time to read it except on the weekends? If you can&t get online, the two free daily papers will do just fine during a quick ride to the office.
5. Bring your lunch to work & There certainly are a lot of hot women in short skirts standing on that long line for Chop&t, but is it worth it to pay $12 for a salad in a plastic container that you eat at your desk while working up another Excel spreadsheet? Make lunch at home and bring it to work a few days during the week. You&ll live, and you&ll also eat better. Use the savings to buy drinks for those women on the Chop&t line.
6. Bananas &&They are really good for you (potassium). And, you can still get a nice big one for a quarter if you buy four in a bunch. Bananas taste great and they become more nutritious when their skin begins to turn.
7. Happy hour &&I don&t think I need to explain this one. But how many times have you walked into a bar ten minutes after happy hour ended? Drinking in bars is expensive, amigos. Getting a head start will save some cash. Who knows, you might get free apps with that cocktail, too.
8. Drink at home before going out on weekends & I&m not pushing alcohol, but if you do drink, top shelf drinks can run you $20 a round. That adds up.
9. Buy top shelf booze in large sizes at discount stores & Your Guy&s Guy , so I did my research and found some liquor stores that have deals on discontinued items. In fact I recently bought a $54 bottle of tequila for $18.99 at Broadway Discount off Astor Place. That&s a $35 savings for a tasty tequila.
10. Movie Matinees & Believe it or not, you can still score a deal to see new movies on the big screen. AMC theaters offer a $7.50 price for before noon.
11. Netflix & Everyone has access to Netflix. But, have you thought about how much you can save using it?& If you enjoy binge watching Marco Polo you can get a whole season of the show for a song versus what you pay for a movie in the theater or for premium cable.
12. Books, CD&s, DVD&s & I recently purchased a returned hardcover copy of the brand new best-selling book about the Rolling Stones for half price at Strand. Now that I&ve read it, I will sell it back again along with my CD&s and DVD&s wherever I can get a fair shake for my goods. It adds up.
13. Coupons & Maybe Mom really did know best. Since I don&t buy most of the processed crap they sell down the aisles of the supermarket I rarely use grocery coupons. That said, with my trusty Coupon Sherpa app I can always get a deal when shopping for clothes at J.Crew, Gap, Levis, etc. There are also coupons for eyeglasses, travel, and a few dining options that are palatable to a New Yorker&s tastes.
14. Bring your coffee from home & For the investment in a quality lightweight thermos you can reap major savings by buying a top shelf brands of coffee or tea and making batches at home. I always keep a big jug of chilled home made organic rooibos tea or organic coffee on hand for the summer months. It saves me hundreds of dollars.
15. Free stuff & The free daily newspapers usually list the free things going on in the city over the coming weekend. It could be yoga classes, concerts, and other things of value. And these events are great ways to meet new peeps with similar interests. Worth a shot...
16. Lasker Pool & There is a gorgeous outdoor swimming pool open all summer at the northwest end of near the Harlem Meer. The pool is spotless and you can swim laps early in the morning. Most people have never heard of it, but it&s real.
17. Quit the gym in the summer- Unless you are going four or five days a week, the gym can be a major waste of money in the summer. There are lots of ways to stay in shape outside and on your own.& And if necessary, you can always take a class or buy multiple classes at a bulk discount. Now put on those running shorts and shoes.
There are lots more ways to save, but this feels like a good place to stop for now. The point is that although NYC can be a very expensive place to live, there are always ways to save money if you use that same big brain that scored you that cool job in the Big Apple to save a few bucks hear and there. It all adds up. See you at Happy Hour.
This week&s GUY&S GUY of the Week is Asa Candler who launched the first coupon in 1887. He was also the owner of Coca-Cola. Very smart guy.
Robert Manni - Thursday, July 14, 2016
When it comes to weddings, I&m no expert. In fact, I avoided marriage like the plague for years until I met my wife.
However, throughout my decades of bachelorhood, I attended quite a few wedding ceremonies and have a few ideas to share about what I have seen working for the bride, the groom and the guests. There are thousands of resources you can tap and articles you can read about how to handle every aspect of your big day. So, I&m not going to get into picking out dresses and all of that. I&ll simply tackle the big picture from the perspective of a Guy&s Guy. This key to this special day is making sure the setting and ceremony are ideal for your bride and yourself. After all, if you&re lucky, you&ll only be doing this once, so why not make it a day to remember in a good way?
to a woman who was previously married for ten years. She told me that she didn't have fun at her first wedding because she allowed her Mom and sister to take charge of the process. In their zeal, they exceeded their duties and took over every aspect of the celebration. You may ask, &whose blame is it when this happens?& I wasn&t there, but I&ve heard this story before. I guess Mom and sis were given too much input on the venue, dress, food, photography, and just about everything else. In the end, my wife felt that the wedding was actually for the benefit of her mother and sister. The bottom line is that it was not a joyous day for her, and the marriage got off to a rocky start. So when it was our turn to tie the knot, my wife was looking forward to making her second wedding day something she could look back on with love. So with that, let&s begin our Guys& Guy&s insights on wedding right here:
1. Start the marriage on a positive note.&
I had never been married or given much thought to the actual wedding beyond my showing up. But, I wanted to be there for my wife, be open to ideas, and show her support. And I am glad I did. She was super cool about every aspect of our wedding day and we had a great time. I believe that's one of the reasons our marriage has been successful to date. &
So when you are stressing the details of planning out your special day, keep in mind the love for your partner, the importance of keeping an open mind, and making sure that you do whatever is necessary to have a joyful wedding day. Consider your
and what will it take to make her day special. Whatever those things are, I suggest you go for it and don&t look back. Anything that gets your marriage off to a strong start is a wise investment.
2.&Plan in advance.
This goes without saying. Venues get booked years in advance so you need to make a check list and get started early. Between the venue, food, booze, invitations, photographers, transportation, changes, etc., etc., etc., weddings can be incredibly time-consuming. I you need to plan your wedding well in advance.
3. No destinations, please.
I&ve attended a few destination weddings and they were fun, but I&ve also passed on a few of these affairs also. Nowadays, with time being such a premium and the cost of travel, it&s a lot to ask of people to hop on a plane to the Caribbean and invest a few grand and three days of their time devoted to your wedding. I know that sounds harsh, but is it possible to make your wedding somewhat accessible to the people attending? In some way, everyone has to travel to your wedding, but that does not have to include also jetting off to the islands. We&d all like to get married on the beach in Hawaii, but will you attend all the destination weddings you get invited to? This is something to consider. If you really feel it&s necessary and can pay for the guests& rooms, then do it.
4. Keep it simple and think outside of the box.
Our wedding was very simple&we decided to get married at 11am on a Saturday morning in late June at a quaint chapel on the Jersey Shore. We keep the list of invitees to our closest friends and relatives to give the ceremony a sense of intimacy. We held our reception at a nearby restaurant. That night we held a barbeque on the beach and a blow out at our beach house with a larger group of friends and family. We were lucky. We had perfect weather, a wonderful ceremony, a great reception, a fun barbeque, and a party that lasted until 3am. It was a blast. We kept things simple, because it was what worked for us. I have been to a number of big weddings that it&s really up to you and what will make you happy.
5. Go on your honeymoon right away.
I&ve heard of couples putting off their honeymoons for a few months due to work and other obligations. Try not to do this. Your marriage is a priority, and in my mind, part of the ceremony is the honeymoon. Do whatever it takes to get away with your bride within a week of the wedding. This keeps the momentum going and will pay off in spades when you look back on this milestone. The whole wedding enchilada counts, and that includes the honeymoon. As for where to go and what to do, I&ll leave that to you. After the stress of the wedding, and it is stressful, my wife and I wanted to chill at a resort with a beach. So it was off to Turks and Caicos. And we had an awesome time.
So that&s my three cents in a three-part series on when to get engaged, married, and having a great wedding. The
for all of these steps is to always remember the reason that you are tying the knot with this person. She or he is the one you love most and with whom you want to share your life. If you maintain this as your top priority and a major consideration in all decisions, you&re on your way to a successful engagement, wedding, and marriage. Good luck, amigos.
Robert Manni - Saturday, July 09, 2016
I like to keep things simple and try things once. That includes getting engaged, being married, and having a kid.
Been there done that. I&ve read a lot about putting a ring on it, most of it from the female perspective. Women have invested lots of psychic energy into the details and finer points of popping the question and the wedding. And they should be applauded for all the articles and posts, and also for putting up with their guys throughout all the ceremonial hoopla. The actual process of getting engaged is the trickiest aspect to getting married because in most cases it&s the guy who is doing the asking. With that in mind, a few young bucks have asked me to write about managing this process, so I wanted to share my Guys& Guy&s point of view about this important milestone.
Let&s begin by clearing stating that there is no set blueprint to getting engaged. There are a lot of ways to do it right and just as many to screw it up. You can post your intentions on the scoreboard of Yankee Stadium or get down on one knee on the beach at sunset. It doesn&t matter where or how you do it, as long as it feels romantic and holds meaning for both of you. Ultimately it&s about following your heart, and then using your mind to make getting engaged a memorable event. Here are a few considerations for each of the critical steps.
1. Make sure she&s the one & There has never been a truer old adage than &fools rush in&. How many friends do you know who got married too soon to the wrong person only to find themselves in a divorce a few years later? There is always at least one broken heart and often kids involved. So what&s the hurry, people? I don&t believe in starter marriages. Instead I say wait. Wait and wait until you are sure you have found the right person to share your life with. You&ll need check marks for companionship, kindness, values, sex, and a shared sense of humor for when you&re both faced with life&s random occurrences. Then to be sure, double and triple check your heart again. If everything feels right, then go ahead, amigo, and make your move.
2. Buy a ring & If you have step one in order and you know that she is ready to commit to spending her life with you, then I suggest buying ring before asking for her hand in marriage. Some people still follow the tradition of asking her father ahead of time. If that works for you, then do it. But first ask yourself what you are going to do if he gives you the thumbs down. Hmmm. That&s tricky. In any case sniff around to see if you can sort out what type of rings she prefers. I&m not sure it&s wise to ask her friends or sisters because they might blab. But whatever you determine to be the right fit for her and your spending limit, add another twenty-five percent to your budget. You never want t take the chance of looking like a cheapskate for the rest of your life because you wanted to save some coin on the ring. Another tip is asking your married friends where they bought their rings. If you&re lucky, you might score a contact in your local Diamond District that could save you a few grand on your purchase.
3. Pop the question- She&s the one, check. Got the ring, check. Now it&s time to ask her for her hand. There are endless ways to do this, but make sure it feels romantic and special to the both of you. This way you&ll always share a great memory of when you got engaged. I asked my future wife out to dinner on a sultry summer night. We headed to an old school, cash only Italian joint in Brooklyn Heights. After our pasta and red wine, we took a walk along the Brooklyn Promenade. When we stopped to enjoy the lights of Manhattan I reached for the ring and dropped to one knee and proposed. I told her that I loved her and that she was the one for me, or something like that. Then I said, &How about it?& She laughed and said, &yes&. Okay, it wasn&t perfect, but we both have a funny memory of that wonderful evening. And she still loves her engagement and her wedding ring. We picked out the wedding band the following week.
Now, I&m not suggesting that this is the way to do it, but it worked for us. There was great food and wine, a starry summer&s night and then me on my knees. So use your noggin&, come up with a plan, buy the ring, and be ready to look into her eyes and pop the question
4. Set a date and stick to it- How many young couples do you know who say they are engaged, but never seem to lock down a date to actually get married? My advice is to do your very best to find a date within a year of your engagement. If necessary, add a few months. But that&s it. If you guys really want to get married, you&ll make locking down that big date a priority. If your timeline keeps getting pushed back and back and back, it&s not a great sign.
5. Keep it fun- After dealing with all the pressure of deciding on the right person, picking out the perfect ring, coming up with a memorable way to pop the question, and then finding a date and all of the other wedding details, it&s important to remind yourselves that the reason you are going through all of this is because you love this person more than anything and you want to have a happy, fun life together. Don&t ever forget the fun factor. If you are finding that the process is more a chore than a pleasure, remind yourself to keep it light. If the whole thing becomes a total drag, then buyer beware. Because you ain&t seen nothing yet, and by that I mean the final step in the process& the wedding.
Until next week&
Robert Manni - Wednesday, June 29, 2016
Getting married is one of the most important decisions you will ever make in your life.
Ironically, a lot of people must be getting it wrong because the divorce rate in America is over fifty percent. Personally, I waited a long time before getting married. In fact, I waited so long that most of my nieces and nephews got married and had kids before their Uncle Bob even popped the question. I waited so long that no one in my family even bothered asking me when I was getting married at holiday get-togethers. Not even my mother. Now, that&s a long time.
Looking back I realized that I had my reasons for the delay and in retrospect I&m glad I waited. Although my wife and I are older parents now of a young son and we need to factor time into family-based decisions, I&m happy that I waited for two main reasons. First, I was not ready to get married until a few months before we met and more importantly, she is the right person for me. It&s that simple. I do not look back with regret or question myself with mental what if&s& like would I have wanted to get married if we&d met when I was thirty? We&re here now. And now is the best time because now is all that matters. Without getting philosophical, let me share some of what I learned about the overall process and feelings about getting married with you.
Know who you are and what you want.
Although I was blessed with growing up with a mother, father, and an older brother, I really did not have a mentor. In fact, beyond living in a loving household with strong values and good people, I was always considered the odd duck. As a result, I learned most of what I know now by sorting through things on my own. And in many cases that took me a longer time than others. When it came to women, I did not have any sisters or female cousins so I was a slow learner and often mystified by these strange female creatures.
I left for college at the age of seventeen and over the next few decades learned a lot about women, and most it the hard way. I had a number of girlfriends, random hook ups, and rejections, but I really did not know who I was or what I was looking for until later in life and a few years before is was too late. I enjoyed living the good life in New York City with a good career and all the sex. Why would I want to give that up? So, I didn&t. Friends got married. Friends had kids. Guys cheated on their wives. Friends got divorced. I remained single.
I did get involved a few long-term relationships and stayed with two-live in partners for too long. As a result we burned valuable time. They both ultimately walked out on me, and in the long run both times I was better off. I continued dating and really hit the jackpot when online dating became the norm. I never realized how easy it was to meet so many great women in New York. But then something hit me. I realized that I had become somewhat of a selfish lout. I was getting bored with myself and finally ready to get married. Now that&s not the greatest path to this realization nor does it bide well for a potential partner, but that&s how it happened for me. And more importantly, I somehow knew I had to create room in my heart for someone new. And that was it. So maybe I wasn&t such a bad guy after all.
I told my mother I&d be getting married soon. Of course she was excited and wanted to know the woman&s name. I told her I did not know her name yet, but I knew it would happen soon. She gave me a strange look, but the following year I introduced my mother to my future wife. I&m not saying things happen exactly like this for everyone or that this is how things should happen, but this is what happened to me. Somehow, I knew when I was ready to share and I knew deep down inside that I needed to make room for someone else in my heart for marriage to be successful. I don&t think I would have been happy being married until I experienced this epiphany.
I never thought I would get married until I decided that I wanted to get married and I never thought about being a parent until I was ready to become a parent. And so far, things are working out nicely. I&m still self-centered to a certain extent. But I don&t have as much time to think only about myself or my needs now, and as a result, my capacity to love others has increased exponentially. And, that&s a good thing.
The bottom line is that when
follow your own internal compass. No matter what your age is, don&t let yourself be swayed by your family, friends, or society. When you are ready to get married, you&ll know it. And, hopefully you will have created a huge space in your heart to share with your life partner.
Next time we&ll tackle the basics of getting engaged. Until then, love yourself, amigos.
Robert Manni - Thursday, June 23, 2016
Many people,
particularly men, scan the online profiles by solely looking at the photos.
They will only read the profiles of good-looking singles or profiles with
&sexy& pictures and do not bother opening profiles of people they don&t find
attractive. So choosing the right photos is critical.
Yes, you need a photo. Rule number
one: if you want to succeed at online dating, you must include photos in your profile. No matter how eloquent,
clever, or interesting your bio reads, if you do not post at least one photo,
your chances of meeting someone are severely hampered. Ask yourself, would you
honestly take the time to connect with someone online that did not post a
photo?& Wouldn&t you wonder why the person didn&t include a photo?
Probably even the most well-meaning of us would assume
either the person was unattractive and embarrassed about their appearance or
they were hiding something of a possibly negative nature/ So, even if the
reason for not posting a picture were benign, it is much better not to stay
hidden because most people probably wouldn&t take the chance to find out.
There may be truly
exceptional cases, though. For example, once a woman who had not posted her
photo contacted me. She told me that she liked what she read about me and that
she had not included her photo because she was the CEO of a well-known
corporation. However, she offered to email her photo. I don&t think I would
have agreed to meet if she hadn&t. But, I understood why she wanted to stay
incognito.
How many photos do you need?& When it comes to deciding how many photos and
which ones to choose, the old &not too few and not too many& adage comes to
mind. Profiles featuring a dozen photos can be a sign of self-confidence, or
taken to the extreme, narcissism. Again, a little mystery goes a long way when
meeting someone new. A good rule of thumb for posting is three to five photos.
You can pour through your current photos, maybe ask a friend to help you choose
the best shots, or shoot a fresh set on your own or even professionally. Any
method works as long as you keep in mind that the photos, like your profile,
are not for you. These photos are sales tools, carefully selected to attract
new people into your life.
First, you&ll need
a headshot that provides a clear picture of your face. That means a current
photo without sunglasses or your favorite hat. If you&re a guy, women want to
see your eyes, your teeth, and your hair. A warm smile can go a long way in a
headshot. If you want to project a more circumspect, moody vibe, that&s cool,
however try including another photo of you smiling. You should also choose a
photo of yourself in a social setting. Some good options are of you attending
an event, such as a wedding, a family celebration, a conference or an outing, or
a dinner. One of the photos should show other people with whom you are having a
good time so that people know you are social and have fun and enjoy being in
the company of others. Another possibility, if you are athletic, is to include
an action shot of you participating in a favorite activity, preferably
outdoors. If you&re in good shape, consider having a photo of you at the beach,
hiking, or playing a sport showing off your fitness. This can include shots of
you boating, skiing, running, or even playing with your dog at the beach. You
get the picture. You want the world to see that you&re fit, active, healthy,
and fun. If you are not athletically inclined or have body issues, choose a
photo of you doing things you are passionate about, possibly playing an
instrument, painting, or whatever tells some truths about the authentic you.
Finally, consider a
&wildcard& photo with you doing something unexpected like a cultural event or
concert, standing in front of the Pyramids, or at a Halloween party where you can
show off your bad-girl outfit. If you&re over forty, there&s a good chance that
you&ve been married or have kids. If so, consider including a photo with your
children if it feels right for you, but only choose photos that give your
prospects an authentic sense of who you are.
Do you think I&m sexy? Here&s a
word of caution about posting sexy photos, especially when you&re over forty.
Let&s start with the guys. Keep your shirts on and no flexing. It&s okay to
show a picture of yourself surfing or involved in a physical activity where you
normally do not wear a shirt. But, there are not many situations where shirts
are not required.
Now for the gals.
It&s okay to be proud of your body and to be comfortable showing it off. But,
keep in mind that sexy photos usually result in sexual responses. Regardless of
age guys are hopelessly visual creatures. Many grown men still go crazy when
they see photos of women dressed in lingerie or a Brazilian bikini. So sure, if
you are a woman, you&ll get a lot of responses when you post sexy photos. Sex
is good and it sells. But, come on, you&ll want quality responses versus the
sheer number of hits you&ll get from a hot photo if you are serious about
meeting someone to have a meaningful relationship.
The money shot. After honing down
the number of pictures to post, you need to choose a primary photo. This is
your most important photo because it&s the one people see first. So it should
be the photo you are most comfortable with and the one that best communicates
your personal brand. For many people, the primary photo is the headshot. Pick
the photograph that you like best. Then ask a friend for their input and when
you make a decision, stick with your primary photo for while. This way you will
also get a sense of how much interest you are garnering before changing it.
WHAT&S IN A NAME?
You might think the
first step in creating an engaging online profile is choosing a catchy headline
and user name. Actually the best time to come up with those handles is after
crafting your bio and selecting the right photos. You want to make sure your
user name fits the rest of your profile and isn&t too random or cutesy. Try to
come up with something simple, positive, and fun without being too silly and
without using your real name. Although my name is Robert, a few of my friends
called me Maximum Bob, the name of an Elmore Leonard novel. My birthday is on
the twenty-second of the month. So I used Maximum22. It&s not Shakespeare, but
it sounds positive and many women playfully referred to me as Max in their
correspondence. So it worked for me.
Now, for a
headline. Here is where people either try too hard or don&t put any effort into
this key component of your profile. Some dating websites and apps do not
require a headline, but for the ones that do, again try your best to come up
with something short and represents who you are and what you&re looking for.
And what works best is to use a short set of words rather than a long
multisyllabic words. Once you have some ideas, test them out on a friend. By
now, you&re probably buying a nice lunch for all your friends& help with your
profile and photos. But, you should be ready to post your profile and get the
party started! And again, don&t sign up for more than three online services at
a time. Managing all the responses, particularly if you are an attractive woman
or man, takes time. You want to avoid being overwhelmed and overexposed.
You may think that
the rules for setting up a successful online profile and presence are not that
different when you are over forty. In many ways it&s true. The rules are
basically the same, but when you are over forty, you want to show just a tad more
class and restraint, at least when posting online. You can always fly your
freak flag in person.&
Robert Manni - Wednesday, June 15, 2016
Stay Positive & It&s important to
be in a good frame of mind when writing your profile because your mood impacts
your decisions about what or what not you include in your profile. How we feel
about ourselves is often communicated by what we post online. So, it&s important
to focus on the positive. Think of your bio as both an introduction and a
conversation starter. Would you like meeting someone new who starts by saying,
&I don&t like& I don&t like&& or with a list of negative things to say? It&s a
buzz kill that short-circuits people&s interest. So try not to include all the
things you don&t like in your profile. Everyone has pet peeves and personal
characteristics that rub them the wrong way. But, your online bio is not the
place for them. Unless you have an overarching deal-breaker such as being
allergic to dogs or not wanting to date a smoker, do your very best to
eliminate the negatives from your profile.
self-perception, how we feel about ourselves, is also communicated by what&s
posted online. Just as a list of negatives of what turns us off is not
desirable, also avoid including anything negative about yourself. Focus on your
good qualities. Talk to your friends to come up with a list. Then ask a friend
to read it and give you feedback. A short list of positives communicates
confidence. A list that is too long reeks of narcissism.
Honesty - Another critical
component of your profile is honesty. Many online daters have been known to
stretch the truth about their height, weight, occupation, and of course, their
age. I don&t condone it but in some ways it&s understandable. For example,
people age differently. If a forty-one year-old woman in great shape identifies
herself as thirty-nine it probably won&t be a deal-breaker. But, if things work
out over the long term, eventually she&ll find herself in a situation where she
needs to tell the truth. The bottom line is that if you are less than truthful
about any aspect of who you are, you&re taking a chance. Your true height,
weight, occupation, marital and financial status will eventually surface, so be
prepared for the possibility of losing someone due to what you may consider
only to be a white lie. You never know what the deal breakers are for other
One area of your
profile where dishonesty will not be tolerated is your current relationship
status. You always need to be absolutely truthful about your current
relationship status. Always let your connections know if you are separated,
divorced, or even in an open marriage. The other person deserves your respect,
and that means knowing your dating status. The same honesty applies to kids.
You cannot hide this fact, nor should you. Another area where honesty is
helpful is letting the market know if you&re interested in dating casually or
looking for a relationship. When it comes to online dating, it&s best to stay
open-minded. Many casual daters meet their match online and evolve into a
committed relationship. And that&s a good thing. On the other hand don&t let
honesty keep you from showcasing the very best version of you to the online
dating universe. Take a tip from politicians and savvy marketers who know ways
to shape the truth. Maybe due to your current financial situation you have not
been able to travel as much as you did previously. That does not mean you
cannot profess your love of travel and penchant for snorkeling in the
Caribbean. You can also mention far off places you&d like to visit. In any case, when it comes to travel, you can set
your sights higher than the neighborhood amusement park if you want to
communicate your sense of adventure and lust for exotic locales, especially if
you&re interested in meeting someone who shares a similar interest.
Food is another
area where you can have fun. Most singles eventually share a meal on a date.
Since everyone experiences food through their own personal lens, sharing your
likes and experiences is where honesty can help you find a better match. In
today&s culture food tells a lot about a person. That makes it a topic worth
considering for your bio. Beyond the clich&, &the way to a man&s heart is
through his stomach&, food is definitely an area for bonding that bridges many
cultures, lifestyles, and financial status.&
Consider a mention of your fondness for Asian fusion, your favorite
restaurant, or that special dish you like to cook. A woman who prefers five
star dining is probably not going to enjoy a night out with a guy who chows
down on fast food every day. Also mention if you are vegetarian, vegan, gluten
free or whatever food restrictions you feel is important to share. These days,
food choices might become a commonality that makes it easier to connect with
someone new.
Your Wish List & Your profile should include a short list of the qualities you&re seeking in
a partner. The keyword is short, meaning no more than two or three
characteristics in a partner that are important to you. I realize that over the
years many people have compiled built lengthy lists of must-haves for their
prospective partners. These lists include everything from income level and profession
to their date&s taste in shoes. Long detailed lists like these do not guarantee
success in online dating. Rather, it may become an obstacle by narrowing the
range of people that are &acceptable& to date. If you&ve decided that online
dating is for you, I suggest putting that list aside or trimming it down to a
few mission critical must-haves. Otherwise you are setting yourself up for the
same results you&ve gotten in traditional offline dating&a general frustration
that there aren&t any people worthwhile to date. If there is one definitive
truth about online dating, it&s that you&ll meet lots of people you never would
have met if you had not signed up for the service. That&s a good starting
point. So, limit the list, keep your profile positive, and remain open-minded.
To be continued&
Robert Manni - Monday, June 06, 2016
&The beginning is
the most important part of the work.& Plato, THE REPUBLIC
Before jumping into
the digital dating fray, take a deep breath, exhale, and relax. Dating is
supposed to be fun, right? As Plato knew so many centuries ago, how we begin
often determines our chances for success. Our first steps are critical in
making that all-important first impression and drawing the kind of person to
you that you want to date. Too often singles rush into online dating fueled by
emotional triggers like eagerness, anxiety, and desire. They quickly sign up
for a plethora of web services and apps based solely on their friends&
experiences without fully considering which services best fit their particular
needs. Then they slap together a profile, upload it, and hope for the best.
This kind of approach will rarely bring success. To avoid wasting time
attracting and engaging with the wrong people, your digital platform should
clearly communicate who your are, what you want, and what you offer to the
thousands of singles who will be looking at your profile online. If you take
the time to set yourself up the right way, you&ll save yourself a lot of
frustration and disappointment and have much better odds for attracting your
ideal mate.
HOW MANY DATING
SERVICES ARE RIGHT FOR YOU?
Initially, talking
to your friends is a good way to get some candid views of what&s out there.
They can tell you the pros and cons of the apps and sites they use, but before
signing up for any of them. It&s important to determine how much time you
really have for dating and how many websites and apps you can handle or else you
can get overwhelmed. I suggest choosing no more than three services or apps
when starting out. If offered, try a trial membership before committing. This
way you can get a feel for the various features before committing to a
membership. Keep your initial list to a minimum. Managing a number of
subscriptions takes time, so limiting the number makes the process manageable.
It also protects your profile from overexposure. Other daters who&ve subscribed
to multiple dating services will certainly see your profile as it pops up. Due
to the algorithms used by most dating websites, new profiles or profiles with
changes usually zoom to the top. If you are over forty and plastered all over
dozens dating websites, other prospects may view you as desperate. Another practical
consideration is money. Almost all the dating websites and apps charge fees and
this can add up quite quickly. Better to reserve more funds for all of those
dates you&re going to score. Remember, after you get comfortable with the
nuances of online dating, you can always sign up on additional websites.
YOUR PROFILE
Do Your Research - A great way to get
started is by looking at other profiles and seeing what others have done that
you like. Ask yourself what kind of information was shared and how it was
framed that sparked your interest. This includes not only what others included,
but also what was left out of these profiles that made you want to know more
about that particular person. Scanning profiles doesn&t take long and it can be
fun. It&s a worthwhile investment that can help prepare you to craft a winning
Keep it Brief and to the Point - Putting together a crisp, to-the-point bio may sound easy, but
many daters over forty including professionals, business executives, and
teachers struggle when crafting their online dating &resume&. Many are
uncertain where to begin and what to highlight in their profile. They over-think
the process and weave long, wordy, tedious biographies instead of short, easily
digestible profiles. Age is certainly a factor in this. The older we get, the
more we&ve seen and done. Many of us may have already gone through first
marriages and careers and are already into the second and third chapters of our
lives. So it&s better to keep this biography streamlined. Focus on current
interests and only include details that are important to you now. Remember, the
profile is a reflection of the person who writes it. So regardless of good
looks or personal accomplishments, if what they post is overly long, ponderous
bio, readers will subconsciously wonder if he or she is boring, too. That&s why
it is important to keep your copy focused and on the short side. Everything
included should only reinforce your personal brand image.
&On the flip side, keeping things brief does
not mean writing so little that things appear disjointed, and for some brevity
is a euphemism for laziness. For example, there are a lot of guys who don&t
take their profile seriously. They throw a few sentences together and post it
with a few random photos. They assume that everyone will know who they are and
what they are all about, but, the point is, everyone doesn&t, and most won&t
waste time trying to find out when there are so many other profiles that are
clearer and easier to read. A dater&s bio and photos are the most critical
components of your online dating presence, so it&s worth the time to craft them
to a level of the people they want to meet. So, what should you include?
Cover the basics
about yourself, the type of person you are looking for, and what you have to offer.
That means sharing what you do for a living, where you live, your interests,
and the kind of people with whom you like to socialize. A few short paragraphs
are all that&s necessary. Keep your profile crisp, short, and fun. Leaving a little
mystery and something for the imagination can work wonders.
To be continued&
Robert Manni - Friday, May 27, 2016
I&m not a doctor, nor do I play one on television. I&m a Guy&s Guy.
But like all men and women, I occasionally come down with that nagging virus known as he common cold. It takes various forms and brings with it a multitude of symptoms, usually led by a runny nose, a scratchy throat, low energy, and an overall feeling of not being your usual perky self. Over the years I&ve tried a number of ways to shake off these symptoms and get back to being one hundred percent as quickly as possible. Along the way, I&ve had some success and learned a few things about taking care of myself when that nasty bug barges into my world. In fact, I&m just coming out of a weeklong bout contracted from my mother-in-law who picked up a random germy thing while vacationing in Europe. I&m feeling better now and my findings are as fresh as Donald Trump&s latest insult.
Here are my top ways of managing your mind, body, and spirit when a nasty common cold decides to stop into your world for a week to ten-day visit.
1. Sleep & When you aren&t feeling well, your body needs rest. It&s that simple. The more time you devote to sleeping, the faster your body will combat an attacking virus and restore itself to perfect health, which, by the way, is our natural state of being. This past week, I gave up my space in bed to my mother-in-law and decided to opt for sleeping on a mat on the floor rather than sinking into a big old comfy couch. It was a bit hard to get used to, but in the end I slept much better on the mat. I also made sure to grab extra winks whenever the opportunity presented itself. And, man, it really helped my body regenerate. Hey, sleep is always a good thing, even when you aren&t under the weather.
2. Natural anti-viral supplements & I eschew the plethora of Big Pharma products we find on the shelf and the over-the-counter remedies available to mask our aches, pains and runny noses. Of course there are times when you&re really sick and need a doctor&s prescription, but Mother Nature offers many natural herbs and ingredients that I&ve found to be really helpful when battling the common cold. My number one, go-to item is organic ginger. Ginger has anti-viral properties that kill viruses. The trick is putting the ginger directly in contact with where the virus lives. First I peel and slice the ginger. Then I toss the pieces into a small pot of water and boil it for about twenty minutes. I keep a lid on the heated liquid. This creates a steam that I carefully inhale when lifting the lid just enough to allow me to take the vapor into my nasal passages. I do this for a few minutes. Then I pour the remaining liquid into a cup and drink the ginger tea with honey and lemon. It tastes great and I get results right away.& However, buy enough ginger so you can repeat the process for at least two days. This past week I made the mistake of using up my stash and not replenishing it because I thought I&d stamped out every trace of the virus. I hadn&t and the cold came back.
My other go-to item is drinking organic clay mixed in water. My favorite is pascalite clay, which comes from Wyoming. The clay has powerful anti- it collects and kills viruses or any bug you may have picked up that are living in your gut or intestines.& Though not everyone buys into detoxification, clay is actually heralded as a great detoxifying agent. Whenever I drink my clay my sore throat symptoms disappear almost immediately. Again, I&ve found it best to continue drinking the clay and water mixture throughout the week. I also load up on multivitamins, vitamin D, high doses of vitamin C, flax, probiotics, and turmeric. Once again, I choose natural and organic supplements whenever possible. And again, I&m a Guy&s Guy, not a doctor. I&m only sharing what has worked for me.
3. Fluids & Most Americans are dehydrated. We simply don&t consume enough fluids. And when you have a nasty cold, you need to eliminate that bad stuff out of your body as quickly as possible. Drink, drink, drink, amigos. And if you still insist on those cold beers when you&re under the weather, drink even more water. You may pee a lot, but you&ll eliminate toxins, too. So, drink up.
4. Sweat it out & Depending on how
you may want to consider including light exercise as part of your routine for recovery. The old adage is that it&s okay to work out if your symptoms stay above the neck. I agree. I find that working up a sweat through cardio is a great way to eliminate toxins. This past week in New York, the weather turned beautiful. But although it was eighty degrees in Central Park, I opted to spend an hour inside on the elliptical trainer versus my usual six-mile run around the outer loop. And I&m glad I did&I simply felt too weak to push myself up and down all those hills. I also gave up my beloved push-ups for the week. I&ve been a push up freak since I was thirteen, so I figured that a week off would not have an adverse effect. Of course, I also left the iron alone during this time.
5. Adjust your schedule & Although we do our best to be flexible, there are some things we can&t avoid, even when we are not feeling one hundred percent. Champions show up, right? That said, in those areas where we can adjust our schedules and responsibilities, it&s wise to dial it back when you are on the mend. You can always replace that lost time by catching up on your reading or getting more rest.
Of course these five pointers won&t prevent you from catching those pesky common colds, but all of the above have helped me on the road to a rapid recovery.& Do what works for you, but be open-minded.& You can benefit from supplements and anything that promotes a healthy lifestyle and consistent recovery regime. Hey, I&m ready for a long overdue a six-mile run.
This week&s GUY&S GUY of the WEEK is Edgar Cayce, a clairvoyant and widely considered as the father of holistic healing.& &&
Robert Manni - Monday, May 23, 2016
I was still determined to master the art of online dating by using my skills as a long-term marketer and advertiser. I reminded myself that my profile was not for me. I was not the customer. My profile was for the person I wanted to date.
So I reviewed my profile and once again asked myself what I wanted, what made me different, and what I had to offer a woman. It&s easy to be self-critical, but we&re all special in some ways. I identified the qualities that I thought separated me from the herd and asked a few women I knew if they agreed. I asked them what they looked for in a man. Most of them wanted to date a guy with a job, a dream, confidence, and a sense of humor, kindness, and relatively good looks.& I used this feedback in my profile and made sure there were no typos or grammatical errors. I also changed my specs for the type of women I was interested in meeting. I realized I wanted to date women who knew what they wanted, shared my values, and were emotionally available. Finally, I expanded my geographic search parameters beyond the world of Manhattan and the &lists&. You may have read about women&s lengthy lists of must-have qualities men need to have to be even considered datable. My advice? Shake it off. Be yourself because nothing beats authenticity. Ultimately, everyone wants to be with someone who&s interested in the real person, not the &best front& we sometimes present during our initial weeks of a courtship.
Then I went back online. I decided to keep my contact rules in place before meeting anyone in person. If things did not feel right when we met, I wouldn&t waste our time. I&d share a drink and move on. However, even if there was no spark or the possibility of a romantic connection, it was important to treat the women I met respectfully. In today&s digital dating scene, it&s easy to disappear like a ghost or simply delete someone with a keystroke, but we&re dealing with people who are just like us. People who have feelings and who are also searching for a connection. So if there was no real chemistry with my date, I did my best to keep the conversation going until she finished her cocktail. It was the least I could do. As a result, some of the women that I met became friends. In fact, a few of them even set me up on dates with their cute friends. It pays to be nice.
With my newly updated profile, I was getting better responses from women than when I first signed up. When I saw someone I was attracted to, I read her profile a few times to get a sense of whom she really was. I made sure her bio wasn&t laced with, &Me, me, me&& or& &I don&t like&& I&d send a brief note& never a wink or a poke. I&d also mention something she had included in her profile&maybe that Korean dish she made or her recent trip to a yoga retreat. I might also add something about me that wasn&t in my profile. If she replied, I&d respond with another short note and my phone number, full name and personal email address. This way she could Google me to make sure I wasn&t an axe-murderer. If everything checked out, I&d suggest that all important phone call. Most women sent back their phone number so I could initiate the first call.
If the call went well, I&d suggest meeting for a glass of wine or coffee depending on her preference. A word of caution&no matter how great things might feel during the email and phone call, don&t invite someone to dinner without first meeting them in person. As mentioned, the vibe could change dramatically when meeting for the first time, and first dates can take bad turns. If you have dinner with someone you&ve never met and there&s no chemistry, it can make for a long, uncomfortable, and often awkward evening.
As I continued to date, I also continued to fine-tune my set of rules. I found that when meeting someone new, it was best to make it a short night. If things were clicking, I&d suggest a second glass of wine. If things were really going well, I&d offer to take her someplace else for a quick bite. Then I&d call it a night and hail her a cab. I found that a show of restraint added a sprinkle of mystery and stoked the anticipation of a second date. Soon I was dating more and more interesting women&clothing designers, entrepreneurs, fitness models, photojournalists, and teachers, along with selected professionals and corporate types. Most importantly, I was connecting with almost every woman. After a few months of non-stop dating, I got into a relationship with an attractive woman, took a break from the site, and dated for a year. After the relationship ran its course, I logged back on the site, reviewed my profile yet again, made a few more tweaks and in no time began dating like crazy for another year. My online dating system was working like a well-oiled machine.& Having a clear set of rules helped, but I soon found out that, as in life, when it comes to online dating there are no unbreakable rules.
Like other indulgences, online dating has a shelf life. I reached a point where I was content. My system was doing a lion&s share of the work. Dating had become easy. And as soulless as it sounds to me now, at the time, I thought I&d be happy dating for the rest of my life. Everything changed though late one night when I logged onto the site. A new woman had winked at me. She was pretty, even if her photo was a random late night selfie without makeup. I was intrigued by her photo and by the carefree flow of her profile. So I began the usual process. I emailed her and she replied the following day. We exchanged another email. The vibe felt right so I sent her my number and suggested a phone call. However, this woman did not think that a phone call was necessary. She suggested that we meet in person. I wrote back, trying my best to arrange a phone call, but she again declined. What about my rules?& I needed to make a decision.
I was torn. My rules worked. Why should I change? I read her profile again and stared at her cute photo before my intuition kicked in. This feels right, so, what the hell? It&s just a rule that I made up. We skipped the call and met on a balmy July evening. Things went well. Real well. And I wanted to see her again. I followed up by text after our date and we got together again the following week. Out of curiosity I looked up her profile again, but it was gone. When we got together for dinner I asked why her profile was hidden. She told me that she&d only signed up on the site for a three-day trial. Since she had a good time she wanted to give us a chance. She saw no reason to stay active on the site. I wisely deleted my account shortly after and we were engaged one year later. We&ve been married for six years. I know now that online dating is an art, not a science. It&s okay to go with your gut and break your rules now and then.
The bottom line is that if you pay attention to what you are putting out and who you are, online dating can be fun and fruitful. You might stub your toe and get your heart broken a few times along the way, but you can win. Always show respect for yourself and the people you meet. And, don&t take anything too seriously. R dating and meeting new people can be an adventure, not something that creates anxiety. If you take the time to build your personal brand (know yourself, what you want, and what you have to offer), communicate clearly both online and in person, and display the confidence from a well-lived life, you&ll be on your way to making the right connections.
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